“Today is the first day of the rest of your life”
Today I woke up with a renewed energy, a new superpower, feeling a little fire in my belly. Today is the last day of my intensive treatment, a day filled with fear, sadness and excitement.
I felt as though I was in a movie, getting ready for battle, or a big, glorious celebration as I put my earrings on, pulled my hair into a messy side-bun and slid my watch on. I guess it is a day filled with battle and celebration. It’s such a huge day – I’ve finally reached a point that, for the first time in my life, I feel worthy. I am good enough. I can and should feel validity and be proud to take up space in this world. I wake up every day and make the choice to fight, and to no longer feel as though I should wither away into nothing. And I will fight every day to eat, to accept who I am and to smile with true happiness in every core of my being.
There’s a wonderful world out there, and it’s time to enjoy it! I’m excited to announce that I’ve found a new meaning for this blog – no longer is it about intense and strict health beliefs that spur on eating disorders and the pursuit of a type of perfection that just doesn’t exist… It is now what it always should have been – perhaps, meant to be?
This blog is about the pursuit of life, love and all things fabulous! It’s about celebrating who we are, each one of us – and how living in recovery can be wonderful – even better than before. In the coming months I hope to share the ups and downs of my journey with you. And maybe, just maybe, we can all learn to celebrate how wonderful, beautiful and fabulous we all are – inside and out!
“This blog is about the pursuit of life, love and all things fabulous!”
It’s wonderful to see you again, so full of light and love. It’s been a long time coming that we finally meet on a mutual plane of love and respect. It’s been 26 years that we’ve had this fabulous, beautiful body, but we’ve never been happy with it. It’s never been enough… somehow always seeking perfection, somehow trying to manipulate it through food and exercise. If only there were more vegetables, more hours in the day for exercise, more money to buy the most expensive produce and organic products. But it was never enough to make this body taller, thinner, stronger, better. It took a summer of tears, treatment, therapy and self-care to realize how fabulous this body is. How beautiful and petite it is. How strong and able and sexy and wonderful it is. How capable of taking care of this heart and mind that seemed to be so broken. I am so proud of you beautiful, for having the courage to admit to your 11+ year struggle with bulimia and to have gone in to get treatment. When says were so dark and dreary through thus summer at intensive treatment, you held on. You trusted this beautiful, loving body, and you’ve made it through. Monday is the last day of intensive treatment at the eating disorder treatment center, and then it’s off to World’s. You’ve never been more ready for World’s than you are right now. This wonderful, athletically- gifted body will do fabulous next weekend, probably not perfect, but that’s ok. What is perfect anyway?
The struggle isn’t over – you’ve still got a long ways to go, but take it a day at a time. Dance when no one’s watching and love this beautiful body for what it does for you. It has been the one constant that’s held you together through this summer. You are fabulous, inside and out, and you can fully defeat ED. Just keep going. It will get better beautiful 🙂