Yesterday I attended my first Yoga class in over 6 months – since I began treatment. It was beautiful, wonderful and everything I didn’t really realize yoga was all about.
Through my recovery, it has only been in the last few weeks (and especially over the holidays) that I have discovered how much more to life there is than physical appearance and health. I’ve been going for meditative walks over the past few months as much as I can, and it’s wonderful. I feel better, more confident and at peace when I do so. I do not run, because I don’t need to. I don’t do this to lose weight, to get “in shape”, to “look better”, I go for walks to feel better, to stay happy – for my mental happiness. And that is all that it should ever be about.
I went to yoga yesterday with a friend, and for the first time, that’s all the yoga class was about. I didn’t care how I looked in my yoga gear, or what others thought of me in the specific poses. I didn’t compare my body, my poses, my stamina to others – only to myself. I was thankful, truly thankful that I made it to the mat, and so truly loving towards my body. I couldn’t always hold the positions, and I’m definitely a little sore today from the workout yesterday, but I’m happy. I’m thankful at how amazing my body is to get through the poses, to still be able to balance so well, and to be so strong in the face of all that I’ve been through. I continued to love and thank my mind for getting through the last 6 months. And I was truly able to listen to the teacher’s message of unconditional love towards ourselves. It was so beautiful, and such wonderful timing that the universe brought me to that yoga class, to listen to that message and to be so thankful for everything thing and everyone that has brought me to this moment, right now.
Being present and being thankful continues to be one of the most exhilarating and fabulous ways to keeping me happy and healthy. I continue to try to remove the word “should” from my vocabulary (and from Ed’s vocabulary). It’s a challenge, but I think it’s working. I think I’m healing.