life, love & fabulous

I started this blog with the intention of pushing myself to train for the USA team’s World Tournament in September 2014.  I was named to the team in 2013, and was planning to train for a year to be “in-shape”; small, slender and strong for the competition.  But things went awry.  My 11+ year struggle with bulimia burst to the surface and finally plummeted me into severe anxiety and depression over the spring, and culminated in my entering intensive treatment in June 2014 – just months before the World Tournament.  I struggled through the summer, still skiing and training with my water ski team here in MN, and secretly battling with ED.

But that’s not what this blog is about.  I have grown strong through recovery and continue the fight every day to love and accept myself.  The Monday before World’s I was discharged from intensive treatment with a new vision and purpose in life.  I felt stronger than ever – ready to compete for Team USA and to win the gold.  Every day is still a fight, and may always be – but that is what living in recovery is.  It is still better than any day stuck in the hopeless despair of an eating disorder.  There are ups and downs to recovery.  Not every day is good, but I hope that some of the words in this blog can spread a message of love to those going through recovery, or who know someone going through it.  Let’s celebrate this beautiful life we have, love ourselves and this fabulous journey we’re on.

To those going through recovery, please remember:

You are beautiful and fabulous and worth it my dear.  If you don’t believe that yet, I hope that someday you will.  Wake up and tell yourself every day “I am worthy.  I am good enough”, and one day, you’ll believe it.  Until then, I’ll hold onto that belief for you.  I believe in you beautiful.  Keep going.  It gets better.


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