hank you for everything you’ve done for me. I hope you know and can understand that I try so very hard to make you happy, and that it is tough for me to believe and know that I have made you proud. I love you both very much, and will always be thankful for having such supportive and loving parents. It takes a special person to be patient and supportive and strong for a child who is sick, and while you may not believe that I am sick all the time, you do try to understand me. It’s just unfortunate that when a person’s mind is broken, it is a lot harder to tell (and to treat) than if say, their leg was broken.
All I ask is to please be patient and to continue to support me on this journey. I am trying to understand and strengthen who I am, and what I am living for. I pushed myself at 300 mph for 3 years, and so I am slowing down and trying to live at a normal speed. To do that, I had to slow down to about 5 mph to recover… but am now getting better, and able to slowly handle more again.
I want you to know and to say thank you for everything you have done and continue to do for me. From meals, to letting me move in, to paying for the vacation to florida, to allowing me to work a little less this summer to focus on my mental health, to driving a battery all the way out to me in minneapolis, to taking me to restaurants and theme parks, and giving me things to try at work… it never ends. And I am forever grateful.
I have such supporting parents, and sometimes it kills me. I want to be the perfect child. I want to make you happy, and never disappoint you, and never make a wrong decision, and never fail, and always have you proud of me… but I’m learning that that just isn’t possible. I’m learning that It’s ok to cry sometimes and to feel helpless. I’m learning that sometimes you need to ask for help, and I’m sorry that the people I most trust to ask for help are also the ones that have already helped me so much. It’s hard for me to ask for help (and to appreciate those who have helped me). But I’m trying. Your support matters, and I am thankful everyday for it. I’m trying my hardest so that you don’t have to be annoyed to support me anymore. I’m Trying To feel comfortable on my own two feet… and I think I’m getting there. Day by day, week by week.
I love you both, so very much. I hope you know that. I am trying, I really am. I wish there was a better way to show it… but please know – I so appreciate everything you do.